Isolation

We all know or hear about people who, over the years, chose to live alone, be alone, isolate themselves from the world. They have endured some type of pain that has made the positives of friendships and other relationships not worth the risk of negatives. Because the negatives have been so painful for them.

I'm scared I am heading down that path. I don't consider myself a negative person. As an introvert, I actually love to spend one on one time with people. Whether it is an old friend or a hook up. I have spent cherished, if brief, time with fleeting lovers and long, intense conversation with old friends, or revealing car rides with co-workers. Introverts actually cherish these experiences.

In high school, and early 20s, I was hurt by several friends. I would go so far as to say I was taken advantage of and betrayed. Once I feel love for a friend, I become completely vulnerable to them. To a fault. I look back and I probably lost those friendships because I voluntarily became a wiping mat, before they even knew they wanted one.

And I'm there again. Do friendships only work if you keep each one an arm's length away? If you keep boundaries? Is that the difference between friendship and an intimate relationship? I don't think I will ever figure out how to navigate any kind of relationship. I look back at this current one and I remember so many happy and fun times. And so many painful ones.

I would love to know how others find and navigate friendships? Do you invite anyone willing into your life, or are you selective? Do you select friends like you would a girl or boyfriend? Someone that has particular qualities, values, and likes/dislikes? Should there be a friendship app like relationship ones?

I don't want to be one of those loners. But I fear once my kids are out of the house, I will become one.