Pause

Three and a half years ago I did something for the first time in my career. I took a job that would be easy. There have been lots of challenges for sure. But for the most part I come to work, do as little or as much work as I like, and then go home. It takes surprisingly little to make my boss happy.

Before then I was the Executive Director for a non profit and was ambitious in my career. But divorce just took the wind out of me. I was exhausted and needed to simplify my life. I stepped down from the board of a volunteer nonprofit I served on and got a simpler job. I let go of almost all commitments. I stopped accepting invitations to social get togethers. I avoided life.

I needed that time for self reflection, selfish pursuits, and recovery.

Last week I applied for an upper management position running a brand new office in our agency that would be a huge pay increase, require a move across the state, and would be very demanding. I have no idea if I have a real shot, but the fact that I am even applying for this position tells me something important about myself.

I'm finally ready to move on. There isn't the sense of relief that I would expect but maybe that is only because it is just one small hurdle of many. Many hurdles I already jumped, but there are many more to go. I would never have expected this journey to be as long and complicated as it is. But it isn't something you can force. You can try to avoid it, but it will happen anyways, in ways that will likely be worse. Each hurdle though opens up a door. Each hurdle lifts a weight off of your heart.

Anyways, wish me luck, if anyone is even reading this.